First of all, HOW CAN WE NOT BE JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND SCREAMING ABOUT THE HYPOCRISY OF THE BIRTHER MOVEMENT! These people spent years, some are still trying, to prove that President Obama is not a U.S. Citizen and therefore not capable of being President. The easiest group to identify these xenophobes with is the Tea Party, which is closely tied to the GOP and the group that made Ted Cruz famous. Ted Cruz, we know for an undisputed fact, was born in Canada. The logically similarities are pretty clear. But as a wise man said, you can't expect them to be fair.
Rhyming Is Fun
Ok, now that we've talked about the elephant in the room we can talk about the elephants in the tent. The tent is the GOP Primary. It's a very delicate metaphor, I know. I'm going to just put this in terms Ted Cruz may be able to understand.
I am the GOP. I am Ted, Ted I am. That Ted I am, that Ted I am! I do not like that Ted I am. Do you like extreme right wing policies and political hams? I do not like your extreme right wing policies you political ham, I do not like them Ted I am!
Would you like them at Iowa's state fair? I would not like them at Iowa's state fair, I would not like them anywhere! I do not like extreme right wing policies and political hams, I do not like them Ted I am!
Would you like them in the house? Would you share them with your spouse? I would not like them in the House, I will not share them with my spouse! I do not like them here or there, I would not like them anywhere!
I do not like your extreme right wing policies you political ham, I do not like them Ted I am!
Would you like them explained on a box? Would you like them explained on Fox?
Not on a box. Not watching on Fox. Not in the House. Not with my spouse. I will not like them here or there, I will not like them anywhere. I do not like your extreme right wing policies you political ham, I do not like them Ted I am!
Would you, could you, in a car? Like them! Like them! Here they are!
I would not, could not, in a car.
You may like them. You will see. You may like them, just vote absentee!
I would not, could not vote absentee. I do not like them on a box. I do want to watch them on Fox. I do not like them in the House, I will not share them with my spouse. I will not like them at the Iowa state fair, I will not like them anywhere. I do not like your extreme right wing policies you political ham, I do not like them Ted I am!
A train! A train! A train! A Train! Could you, would you listen on a train?
Not on a train! I will not vote absentee! Not in a car, Ted! Let me be! I would not listen from the box. I could not, would not, watch on Fox. I will not share them with my spouse. I will not have them in the House. I will not like them here or there, I will not like them anywhere. I do not like your extreme right wing policies you political ham, I do not like them Ted I am!
You get the idea. (Coincidentally, that book is MUCH longer than I remember, so kudos to Cruz on picking it for the filibuster. Solid choice.)
Children's books that are oddly long for their age range aside, Ted Cruz is both great for Democrats and terrible for Republicans. He pulls the whole group to the right. The. Whole. Thing.
Here's something to remember. Hillary will win the woman's vote. Plenty of women may vote for a Republican, but Clinton will clean up in that demographic no mater who the Republicans run. Regardless of the GOP candidate the GOP's path to the Presidency in 2016 is with moderate males and pulling from ethnic voting blocks. (Voter suppression with I.D. laws won't hurt either.)
You're In A Room
Imagine it like a door. The door is in the middle of the room. The more people that try to go through the door at the same time the harder it is, after all it's only so big. (It's an old building, so probably a small door, not ADA compliant.) But, imagine you're the person trying to get through that door. You can see the door, but there's something in the way. What is it?
Shit. Zombies. Just your luck.
What will you do? You could try to kill them, but there are a lot of them. (Like, a REALLY huge number.) Luckily, you do have a really sweet baseball bat in your right hand covered in nails, so you're equipped for the job. But there are a LOT of zombies. You remember from all of the years of zombie shows and movies that sound and light ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL (100% of the time, seriously) will distract a zombie. After all, they essentially follow T-Rex movement rules. You look to your left hand and you have a flare tied to a pack of fire crackers. It's essentially the perfect zombie distraction machine other than a guy with a mullet driving a van blaring club music. (Walking Dead fans? Eh?)
You let all the zombies mill around the door for a while while you weigh your options when suddenly an amazing selfless hero-person steps up next to you. “I'll distract them, you get through the door!” he says with a crazy, but polite, look in his eyes. He grabs the flare, starts yelling and waiving his arms at the undead savages and turns around long enough to tell you to “RUN FOR IT!” (This part might be in slow mo.) He's like your own personal Jeff Goldblum ala JurassicPark. Also this one.
You take a few steps. You're not sure if he really means to help or if he's just using you as bait for the horde. Then, he lights the flare. As you likely know, the zombies are now totally fixated on him and the flare, they could not care less about you. They are making a b-line (as good as a zombie can at least) for your hero as the fire crackers start to go off.
The door is clear.
But What Does All That Mean?
That's what Cruz is doing for Hillary. He's her Jeff Goldblum. Her personal zombie fodder.
The zombies are the rest of the GOP primary contenders. The door, well that's the Presidential election. (Duh.)
Cruz is either a brilliant Democratic plant, or just doesn't understand how zombies react to light and sound. I'm inclined to go with the latter, mostly because that would be giving the Democrats WAY too much credit here.
He's about to find out though. Eventually, the horde will turn him into another zombie, but by the time they're done the other person will be safely through the door, and they'll just be standing there. Being zombies.